Hello? Anybody listening???

Ever feel like you have said the same thing hundreds of times? I think everyone experiences this. For me its "Hello. Have you done the online registration? No? Ok you can use those computers behind you on the table." That doesn't sound like much, but after you've said it a few hundred times in a day, its gets old. Other phrases could include but are not limited to "Put on your coat before going outside", (something I heard THOUSANDS of times while growing up) "Wash the dishes!" (this one is usually directed towards my brother), or even "Shut the front door". We all get annoyed when we have to repeat something a thousand times over just to get a point across.

I was thinking about this at work today when it occurred to me that I make God repeatedly say things to me. Things like "I made you, you're beautiful, stop insulting the works of my hand" (ouch!), and "I'm not going to give up on you and I'm not going anywhere, I love you", and one that makes me weepy at times- "I'm your heavenly Father, I'm Dad, just let me take care of these things instead of trying to take care of them yourself".

I hope this makes sense. I'm blogging this for me just as much as I am for anyone else who may want to read it. I need to write it down, make a note of what He says about me and about who He is.

Although I have mocked this song (because its hilarious!), I think it makes a good point. In the hymn "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" there is a line that says "Here I raise my Ebenezer". For a while I thought that meant "Here I raise my old man who hates Christmas", but really the word Ebenezer means a stone of help or remembrance. I want to make an Ebenezer of sorts I guess you could say. I want to have something, whether that be a blog or a literal rock or whatever, that is a point of remembrance of who God is and what He has done and is doing and will do.

Good Things.

This kind of relates to my last post about being discontent. I heart this song and I do really relate to it. I think more and more that you have to stop looking for the next big life stage or step to come along and enjoy your life now. I'm trying to learn that myself. Anyway, enjoy!



I've got a long, long list of things
That no one needs to see
Desk drawers filled with picture frames
Postcards tucked in underneath
We were only young when we moved away
It went on and on for years
You fell in love and now you live in the city
I'm my own company out here

Don't get down
Good things come when you stop waiting around
Good things come when you stop looking
Don't get down
You've just got to stop looking

There are some things that I believe
Like if you've got nothing you've still got your family
And when you are no one you're still the king
And there's not a dollar enough in the world to
make you sing

So don't get down
Good things come when you stop waiting around
Good things come when you stop looking
Don't get down
You've just got to stop looking

There are some things I used to be
Won't you find the will just to remind me
Because you are so safe inside my memory
And the scar underneath my knee

the winter of my discontent.

A few months ago, I decided to get rid of my "these books make me look smart" books. You know the ones I'm talking about---don't pretend! The ones that you have no intention of reading, but simply by having them on your bookshelf, taking up space, your IQ goes up 10 points...or at least you want people to think it does. Among the reject smart books, I got rid of a few (somewhere between 3 and 5) Shakespeare books. Not to fret! I have his complete works in a hardbound book that belonged to my grandmother. Why did I get rid of them? I don't love Shakespeare. I don't. He was funny at times but I could not ever see myself snuggling up with one of his books and reading...and being happy about it. Although I do not love him (Shakespeare), I think he was right about a few things. Hence the title, that is really what this post is about- discontentment.

A friend of mine told me once to learn to be happy where you are. Everybody thinks that if they got to that next big life stage, they would be happier. When I was in middle school, I longed to be in high school. Once I got to high school and realized that it was just as crappy as middle school, just at a larger scale, I wished that senior year would hurry up then I could go to college. Oh college! Doesn't it just sound dreamy? Well, its not. Not always anyway.

I'm relatively happy being in college.
I'm relatively happy about living in the place I live.
I'm relatively with happy me...I guess. ( <---- lies!)
Notice a trend?
I'm happy, but I wish things were somewhat different. Because I'm not crazy happy. But why aren't I crazy happy? I'm in control of how happy I am or am not, right?

I feel like I want to have a lot of change happen in my life. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Honestly I don't. I think my issue is that I want whatever the change is to happen over night. That way I can be happy, right?

Wrong. God is trying to teach me how to be content and thankful and joyful about my current situations.
If I lost all the weight I want to lose overnight, would I really appreciate it? Would I learn how to eat better and how to take care of myself?
If I were able to buy a house tomorrow with a magical amount of money that could cover whatever I wanted, would I appreciate it? Or be proud of it?
I'm rambling, and I'm aware of it. Sorry friend.

All of this is to say that I need to be happy where I am. I'm blessed and I need to be thankful for what I have instead of looking at what others have. God has uniquely blessed me, He's uniquely blessed all of us. I have to get to place where I like me know, at least something about me. Otherwise, I can do all the changing in the world and still not like me, or be thankful or happy.

Thanks for listening. I hope this made sense. And I hope that maybe it helps somebody, just felt like I needed to write it. Happy Monday! =0)

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Sometimes I close my eyes and piece my memories of you back together.
I try and remember every detail.
Which pocket did you keep your wallet in?
Which wrist did you wear your watch on?
Random things urge me to do this- a song, a book, a place...
but more than anything its smelling someone who smells like you.
I once heard someone say that smell has the strongest link to memory- I guess they were right.
Go ahead and laugh, but its true.
That is when it really hits me- how long you've been gone.
How long its been since I talked to you.
Or made you laugh.
Or hugged you.
I close my eyes as that smell- the smell of cigarettes and coffee, and mint lingers in the air- and I piece you together in my mind.
Faded black denim jeans, plaid long sleeved shirt, even in the summer-Sleeves rolled up 3/4th of the way, bandana through a belt loop on your right hip.
Its funny how simply closing my eyes brings you completely back to me.
But then something happens- a thud, or a bump, or a phone ringing- just enough noise to jolt me out of memory and back into reality.
Just enough for you to be taken away from me again.
My memories scatter to the wind like a dandelion- like the ones we would pick together and let float away.
Remember?
Remember?
Want to know a secret?
I'm afraid that someday I'll wake up and all of my memories of you will have done the same thing-floated away.
If you could just keep sending songs, or smells my way I would appreciate it.
Its almost like having some small part of you to hold on to- even if only for a moment.
I wish I had more of you to hold on to.
The black wallet, your favorite coffee mug, pictures, countless records and books and my memories are all I have left that are tangible evidence of you.
And of your absence.
All of this is I guess just to say-
I miss you.