[being lame-no good ideas for a title]

I haven't blogged much recently because I feel like I have nothing profound to say. I do have a few blogs that are waiting to be posted and should be within the next few days. But other than that life has been pretty much normal other than a few failures I'm not so proud of. Nothing too earth shattering as far as failures go- just minor ones I guess. Others might even argue that they are non-existent failures. Maybe the major issue is that I'm learning to tell the difference between truth and lies.

Its little things here and there that have been giving me this feeling of inadequacy or failure. The major one pressing on me right now is that I'm not a good enough friend. Or a good enough small group leader. Or a good enough daughter, sister, etc. I know that's not true. But I feel like I haven't done a good enough job of showing these people that I really do care. If you are reading this and know me personally, I hope you don't feel like I've failed you. I know I feel like I have.

Other things that have been a struggle recently is that I don't have one thing that I'm extremely good at. I'm good at a lot of things (you may think that sounds prideful but please continue reading). But I don't feel like I'm GREAT at any one thing. I'm having to remind myself that none of that really matters. It doesn't define me. None of this or that or anything does- except for Jesus.

Sometimes its hard to discern between truth and lies when both are being hurled at you. I am learning to find God's voice and truth in the chaos and cling to what and who He says I am. And I am equally trying to silence Satan and identify his lies and tell him to shut up!

Anyway blog readers, I will try to be more consistent with blogging but it is busy season at work and life in general has been boring but busy, so I can't make any promises I will be blogging more frequently but I will try! Happy Friday all!

Let's See How Far We've Come...

Anybody want to guess who I am today?

Hope.

My dear friend Kimberly wears the same bracelet everyday and has for a few months now. Its a plane metal band that is open in the back so she can take it on and off. Engraved on it is a name, rank and a year.

Kim isn't usually the type to wear jewelry, much less the exact same piece of jewelry everyday, so I asked her about it. She began telling me a story about her Uncle Jimmy. Jimmy was MIA during the Vietnam war and was later found out to be a POW. Jimmy had been MIA and a POW for over 9 months. Kimberly's Mom and a few others had bracelets made with Jimmy's name, rank, and the date he went missing. They decided to wear them until Jimmy's body was recovered or he came home.

It was Thanksgiving night and everyone had already eaten and was putting the food away, when they heard the front door open. It was Jimmy. Giving no immediate explanation of how he had gotten there or what had happened, he instead just asked where the food was.

After things had settled down a little, everyone who had a bracelet honoring Jimmy gave them to him. They were in his possession until he died.

Everyone who had worn those bracelets had worried and prayed and hoped that Jimmy would come home. And he did.

Kimberly's bracelet, however, does not have Jimmy's name on it. Hers has the name of a family friend. The year that's on it? 1969. Someone in her family has worn it and has worried and prayed and hoped that he would come home.

He may, but he probably never will. But they have hope and still pray for his family.

Hope is a funny thing. Sometimes we reject hope because it seems completely pointless. At other times we cling to hope because its all we have to cling to. Maybe we're too willing to give up our hope. Maybe we should keeping holding to it, clinging to it, fighting for it. Even after days or weeks or months or years. Its worth fighting for.

Faith not Feelings, Feelings aren't a Fruit

Hello blog readers! Sorry for abandoning the blog for a little while. I've had a lot of big ideas for posts, but very few words to describe everything. Even though I've waited to write, this could still be a little wordy and bumpy. Also life is getting crazier and busy as fall and school approach- I will work on being consistent though.

God has been moving and speaking a lot recently. Not that He ever really speaks at one time more than the other I guess, I think there are just seasons that we are more open and willing to listen than others.

One of the things that has been a painful and confusing lesson thus far is that my feelings aren't always trustworthy. I can't base how I am doing on my walk with God on my feelings. Not every moment is a "I just got home from church camp and I'm on this church camp/God high and I feel super close to Him right now". I do enjoy those times, but life isn't like church camp. Its messy and you've got work and school and relatives and friends and you're constantly in juggle mode.

I was talking to God about this as I was walking in to a small group study Sunday night and was in general just telling Him how I'm not sure that I'm a fan of this feelings being crazy at times or not matching up with the truth. The truth being that I'm growing in my walk and I am getting closer to God than I have been in a long time. As I'm telling Him this, I heard back "Feelings aren't a fruit". Fruit of the Spirit that is. Wow! He's right...obviously!

My feelings and my emotions are almost always out of whack and CRAZY. I can't let my little crazy emotions dictate my walk with God. If I do it would be a disaster. Actually, I have for a long time- and it has been a disaster.

God is moving and working in me and in His people. I'm excited to see what He's got in store for us. And no matter what it is, I'll try not to put my emotions and feelings in the driver's seat.