I wish...

I wish I knew me better. I mean I know who I am for the most part, and what I like, and where I come from, but I wish I knew why I am the way I am about somethings.

I wish I knew someone who could climb inside my brain and look around and tell me why I react to things certain ways and why I do the things I do.

I don't know why, but wish I did know why, me and exercise have such a hate-filled relationship. I also wish I knew why food and I have such a toxic, bad, stupid relationship. In my mind I know I shouldn't eat that whole bag of cheese puffs in one sitting, but sometimes I push that knowledge aside and go for it- which doesn't lead to anything useful or good.

I wish I knew why my emotions are crazy. Joy recently said something in one of her post's about not knowing why I always am in a mood to watch sad movies. Truthfully I am not sure. I would like to know but I don't. Is it because I know sadness is just a part of life? Or is it I am accustom to sadness and I am comfortable with it? Or is it that in my mind if I can still cry at a movie, I haven't become totally callused towards pain and that's how I check for that? I don't know. Maybe a little bit of all of those.

The answer here really is that I don't know and that I am not likely to ever know all the reasons. Maybe they are all buried so deep within myself it will take more than a lifetime to figure it out.

The point of this post is that I'm working on it. And I'm praying about it. And God is helping me process through all of this stuff. With His help I'll figure out this important things and have peace about all the other. and that's all that matters, right?